Ytd went for suigu's cremation.. at Mandai crematorium.. And then today we went to cast his ashes into the sea.
The past few days hv been very sad, attending the wake til Sunday, then cremation on monday then casting of ashes today.. I promised myself to try not to cry.. and i also promised him.. but yesterday.. during the viewing of the coffin.. when his body was sent into the cremation room, da yi and hia yi-yi became very very hysterical, keep crying.. i was already like holding back my tears and all that.. but seeing them in that state juz released the tap and den i cried.. i held back my tears when the eulogies was read out by my bro and my godbro who's also his godson.. i numbed myself, imagined shutting my emotions into this room within myself, so i can keep my tears private.. already such a sad event.. if i cry will make it worst..
i miss my uncle so much since saturday, cos i know i wont ever see him again.. he was such a nice man, always there to comfort us, to make us happy, to share happiness and sorrows.. he often called us out to go east coast park, west coast park, botanic gardens, seletar reservoir, etc etc.. and eat food together at nice places, go outings.. but when he called us out the past times.. sometimes i wasnt even there cos i didnt feel like going, cos i felt lazy.. and i didnt go for the japan trip with his family and xun and sheng in early 2006.. only went for the korea trip last year. and December also.. juz 4 months ago only!! i still have our group fotos, uncle looked really happy. haiz. i dont have a personal foto with him! sad.
i felt a pang when we passed by the sembawang food ctr on our way to the crematorium ytd.. my family and his ate there once or twice.. and we bot some home-made bread from an olden-times bakery there.. and he knew i liked the bread.. cos it's sweeter den the usual gardenia i eat.. he used to make special trips down there jzu to buy bread for our family.. he gave us fishes, flowers etc which my mum loved.. and juz few weeks back he gave us some twisty bamboo thingy and the 5 stalks are standing in our transparent plastic vertical pot..
his death is so sudden i still cant believe he's gone. i really regret not spending more time with him and his family in the past, now only left his family. i really need to treasure all the people around mi.. i nv thought i would ever have to feel the tremendous regret that im feeling now.. now is too late to even say sorry for the times i didnt go out with him, he's not hear to talk to me anymore, not here to play games with me, not here for me to hear his voice. and theres this something that i know he will like, cos we like similar things.. now i cant give it to him..
i hope everyone's okay now.. esp ah gong and ah ma.. since they didnt attend the cremation and the 'sea burial'.. they looked so sad.. i couldnt really tell what ah gong felt cos he looked the same.. i think he was juz being strong. we all need to be strong cos after all life is juz a dream.. our bodies are juz shells of our former selves.. i looked at him in the coffin, it didnt look liek the suigu i remember at all.. but the memories will always be here inside my mind
Am a girl who generally acts nice in public, but inside her head, she probably thinks you're a waste of life. And that's why she's quiet.
The One & ONLI evil~ being
• 20
• Aquarian-Piscean
• Split-personality
• Highly random
• Loves to play with words
• Easily amused
• Stony face
• Typical characteristics of a person who loves red - need I say more??
• Singapore
• Would rather be alone than with people she dislikes
• Gets along easily with people sometimes
Wishes
• To be a normal human being
• To adapt more easily
• To integrate into society without conforming
• To be successful in all aspects
• To be an all-rounder
Interests - what activities I'm interested in -
• Reading
• Supernatural
• Watching movies
• Inline-skating
• Surfing the net
• Listening to music
• Going out with friends
• Chatting with friends
• Philosophizing - tho ppl might think it's mundane
• Engaging in intellectual conversations with intellectuals
• Psychology - knowing more about the human mind
Hobbies - what I always do -
• Daydreaming
• Surfing the net
• Listening to music
• Chatting with friends
• Sometimes just being alone with myself
Loves
• Death Note
• Ryuzaki a.k.a L
• Matsukun
• Nakatsu
• Toma
• things that glow/light up in the dark
• Red
• Bright colours
• Horror movies
• Pirates of the Carribean 1 & 2
• Gor Gor
• Dogs esp. Siberian Husky
• Captn Jack Sparrow
• Ice cream
• Chocolate
• Tomato Juice
• Cheese cake
• Reflecting
Likes
• Gore
• Being alone to enjoy my peace
• Reflecting
Hates
• Ppl who yell
• Fakes
• Liars
• Attention-seekers
• Noisy ppl
• Loud-mouths
• Backstabbers
• Unreasonable ppl
• Irresponsible ppl
• Hypocrites (practice what you preach!)
• Act-like-they-know-it-alls
• Fish (whether ornamental or those served as 'food')
• Cake
• Cream
• Dull colours
• Fear
Material Wants
• new BIG sling bag
• L photobook (out in Kinokuniya)
• new Nokia 6280
• Siberian Husky
• Skate Bagpack
• Ski apparatus
• that cool Japanese clamshell phone they always use in dramas
• anything that glows/lights up
• Etnies Skater shoes
• Dramas (DVD with Eng subs)
*Honey & Clover
*Hanazakari no kimitachi e
*Akihabara@Deep
• Musicals (DVD with Eng subs)
*Cat in Red Boots
Message(s) of the Year
• I LOVE TOMA.
• I LOVE CAT IN RED BOOTS.
• I LOVE 'MELTING SNOW' AND 'THE WORLD'.
• I LOVE the song 'American Pie'!!
• I LOVE Angel of Music, Phantom of the Opera
• I want to ski again
• I want to try snowboarding
• I am not HIGHLY intelligent. I dont have a MENSA mind so back off, demanding ppl!
• I hate school.
• I WANT TOMA STUFF!!
• I want to go to Japan
• I want to learn Japanese
